Monday, December 1, 2014

The intentional mom

I mentioned that I've been reading more books, since my break up with social media.  One particular book really hit home for me.  It had been sitting on my shelf for years and I know I read a little of it at some point, but saw it in a whole new light this time around.  The book is called 'Regret Free Parenting' by Catherine Hickem, LCSW.  As with marriage books, I am weary of parenting books because they can leave you coveting a picture perfect life.  You can be a mom for 1 day and realize that there is nothing perfect about it, but I loved this book and it was a huge eye opener for me.  I wanted to jot down my favorite points as a way to remind myself later the things I learned and a cheat sheet for other momma's who don't want to read the whole book :)

The biggest lesson I learned from the book was about being an intentional mom.  I was reminded to not coast through motherhood, but really work at this job that the Lord has given me.

~When I follow Christ, His purpose becomes my purpose.  His purpose for me is to be intentional in loving my children the way Christ loves me.

~Believe that God loves me and He will be my confidence in motherhood.  Intentional moms understand that their purpose in being confident is to create an atmosphere of value and love for their children. 

~Be intentional in telling my kids positive things.  Tell them that they are kind, gentle, loving, funny, wise, friendly, patient and with God's strength, they can do anything.  Tell them every day that God loves them and I am so thankful He gave them to me. 

~Study my kids.  Know them and tell them what I like about them.

~Don't fight the differences and difficulties in my kids.  God had something in mind when He gave them to me. 

Charlie-2,  Bubby-4,  Princess P-7

I was really challenged on this one.  So often I live in daily survival mode instead of looking at the big picture of my children's lives.
~What characteristics do I want my kids to process and how will they develop these?
~What do I want for my kids/what vision do I have for them?:
-no entitlement
-delay gratification
-love reading
-be in the Word
-communicate openly
-servant hearts
-grateful, humble, generous

~"Sometimes mothers allow pride, selfishness and other people's opinions to override what their children need most; unconditional love."  Pride is our attempt to cover insecurity and most of our  insecurity is in how our kids behave.  Selfishness=idolatry of ourselves.

~Teach them in the midst of mistakes, not just reprimand them.  Allow them to make choices, even if they have natural consequences.  Don't get frustrated when they are having a problem, but take time to talk and understand.

~Be consistent, lovingly consistent in discipline.  Don't get upset or argue and show grace.  Let them know that you will love you no matter what.

~Praise in public, correct in private.  Do not a perfectionist on how they should behave.  Kids need to be praised and lifted up instead of always put down and felt like they can never measure up.

~It is normal for children to test limits and be ornery and disobey and it is not a reflection of me!  My attention needs to be on my child, not how others see me.

~As you keep the focus on the best interest of your children, you will find yourself making better decisions about yourself.

~*Pray for help in all situations

~The more I depend on God, the more I enjoy mothering and the less I care about others opinions.
1. Enjoy quiet time with the Lord
2. Have a thankful heart
3. Get to know God's heart
4. Find time for praise and worship
5. Pray for another mother
6. Practice the presence of God.  Look for Him everywhere

~My interactions with my kids has a greater impact on their future relationships than my words.

~Give them time to talk...uninterrupted time to share their heart.

~*Be present!  Don't be distracted by other moms at events.  True presence means you're fully engaged emotionally, listening intently, and respectfully interacting.

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