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Saturday, February 22, 2014

The end of a season

I found out several months ago that my group exercise certification was expiring soon and I needed to take continuing education classes to renew my certificate.  Hubs and I talked and talked and talked about what I should do.  I felt at a crossroads and making a decision seemed harder than it should.  The classes offered to me would only help me keep my current job, but didn't offer anything past that.  I looked countless times at getting AFAA certified and contemplated for months becoming a personal trainer.  I totally get keeping current on what you are teaching, but in reality, I should have taken these classes years ago.

So this is my beef with the fitness world.  Certifications are expensive and they don't guarantee you success.  Then, to keep your certification, you have to pay an annual fee and pay for classes...all for a job that pays hardly anything.  For example, I could pay $600 for a personal trainer certification, maybe get a few clients but would have to pay at least $300 a year to keep that certification. 

Second beef.  The fitness world is all about building your own kingdom.  Someone can make you believe they are a fitness guru by looking pretty in fitness clothes.  But really, someone else is doing all their work and they're getting the credit.  Not to mention any names, but think of the most famous female personal trainer there is...have you ever seen her sweat?  have you ever seen her actually do a work out?  Nope, but everyone swears she knows what she's doing.

After meeting with my supervisor one day, I was still feeling uneasy about my fitness future.  Hubs and I spent a lot of time talking about it that day and at the end of our conversation he told me that he would support me in whatever I wanted to do and prayed for me.  He prayed for peace and that moment was changing for me.  I immediately felt the peace that surpasses all understanding and I could finally see a little more clearly.

In that moment I let it go.  I let go of what I thought "should be" and let myself just "be".

If I really wanted to keep teaching and if I really wanted to be a personal trainer, than I would be really excited about pursuing the certifications and I would be excited about Hubs support. 
But I wasn't.

As soon as I let go, I realized that I too was trying to build my kingdom.  I wanted to be great and I wanted fitness define me.  I soon saw all the sacrifices I've made over the years in efforts to build this image, and they were all for nothing.  I've taught through morning sickness and newborn babies.  I've drug my sniffly little one's out in the cold to get to a class.  Just yesterday, I had to scoop Charlie out of bed in the morning and dropped him off in a hurry, still in his pj's, wet diaper and no breakfast.  He was a trooper, but that's not the way a morning should begin.

I've given my notice and will be done teaching at the end of March.  I deleted all my saved info about personal trainer certifications.  I decided to let it go and have never felt more at peace.  A few days ago, there was a class open to teach, but I decided to go running with Hubs instead.  It was a last minute decision and I wasn't dressed for the cold weather, but I made the choice to sacrifice for my family instead of my job.  I froze my tushy off, but it was the best decision I ever made.  Running together is a huge blessing to our marriage and I saw the beauty in being able to workout more with my Hubs.

The past couple of months I've been feeling like God is teaching me a big lesson in planning.  You all, I. am. a. planner.  I plan everything.  I plan laundry and cleaning and meals and kids' baths and workouts...everything.  Lately, it doesn't matter what I plan, it's not going to happen.  At first it was just depressing.  One day the only thing I had planned was 'deposit money'.  I pulled up to the ATM and it was out of order.  I sat there in the drive thru and said, "Okay God.  I got it." 

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
 
I'm trying hard not to plan anything and let God order my steps.  It's not easy.  I always have a list running through my head and back up plans if my schedule gets thrown off.  God is clearing my plate and I confess I'm a little scared.  Is it simply to help me see the beauty in my family sitting right in front of me or is to prepare for an upcoming trial?
 
His strength is sufficient for me and I'm excited to see what a new season of life brings.
 
All of this to say, that I can no longer attest to being a fitness instructor, but will probably still put some fitness things on the blog.  I don't want you to be deceived.  I'm not claiming to be the answer to all your workout dreams, but I do workout and I do actually sweat!  


2 comments:

  1. I love your transparency and honesty. I can imagine what a difficult decision this was to make because I know you've enjoyed teaching the fitness classes. But at the same time, I totally hear what you're saying about building a little fiefdom here on earth and also being cut from the same planning cloth, yeah its difficult to set aside all the plans *I* have. In fact, I'm not very good at that at all :(

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  2. Just wanted to comment here to let you know that I've been praying for you! Not being a "planner" like you are, it is sometimes difficult for me to fully understand the challenges planners face, but being married to one has certainly helped open my eyes! I know that God is planning something great for you---even if it is simply going running more with Ben.

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